I. khalepa ta kala

The colour I've always associated with Tessa was a light but deep green, after all, she was the person who gave me life, when I was so close to death that I could already feel its breath on my skin.
No.
These days, before Tessa came, I felt like I was buried.
I had then lost my hope long ago. I didn't think about the future or what it could bring, never, it was something I forbid myself to do. I was living for the moment, every second, but I could not think about the next hour or the next week.  You can say, I've waited for death to come and get me.
But it wasn't exactly like this. I appreciated every day and conversation, every bit of music and all the spent time with my ... people. But especially I wanted to give so much kindness and light as I can before I go.
I never expected to get something in return.
I never expected to explore the depths of my heart or how it is to fall in love.
I wanted to be ready and free to let go if death takes me.
I didn't expect to fight for life or the smallest chance of being alive, only to hope that someday and I literally mean, someday,  I will get the chance to live and love.

I thought the only person who will ever be close to my mind, heart and soul was Will.

How wrong I was.

My name is Jem Carstairs, I was a shadowhunter, a parabatai, a drug addict, I tricked death and become a silent brother and now, after almost 130 years I am human. But what's most important; I'm alive. And that is the new beginning I was given.